Monday, October 3, 2011

Getting to Know Your Adam Joneses

Occasionally I look to see where you people are coming from.  Most of it is the usual: Facebook, Twitter, etc.  A lot of you are getting here by searches that I'm not terribly comfortable with.  On top of that, when I try to duplicate these searches, I can never find myself the same way.  You sickos must be going through hundreds of pages looking for "sexy cheetara" and "penis penis penis."

In fact, I can't even find me in a reasonable number of pages when searching for "Adam Jones."  The reason is that there are too freaking many of us, and we're all very accomplished.  So I decided to share with you the various Adam Jonses that stand between me and the front page.

As far as I can tell, We seem to fall into three different categories.

The Sports

Adam Jones - The Football Player
This fellow is often referred to as Adam "Pac-Man" Jones.  Because of this, people at my last job wanted to call me Adam "Pac-Man" Jones.  I told them that was absolutely unacceptable.  Not that I had anything in particular against the guy, I just knew nothing of footballing and didn't want a nickname related to it.  So, they instead called me Adam "Not Pac-Man" Jones.  This was acceptable.  I still don't know anything about the guy.  I have linked to his Wiki page, but I honestly cannot be assed to read it.

Adam Jones - The Baseball Player
This one plays baseball.  I once saw a baseball game.  That's about all I know about anything about this.  I'd love to be more informative here, but we have a long way to go.

Adam Jones - The Racing Driver
This guy is British and drives a racing car.  I've never seen a car race, but I'm sure that he's very good.  He's about my age, within a month of each other, so that's nice.

Adam Jones - The Motocross Driver 
This one does Motocross driving... or riding...  I don't really know what it's called.  Racing.  He races Motocross bikes... motorcycles... dirt-bikes... He seems really nice.

Adam Jones - The Rugby Player
Wow, Adam Joneses sure do love to do various sporting things.  This guy is Welsh and does Rugby.  Frankly, he seems like a... nice enough fellow... as far as Rugbyists go... I suppose.

Adam Jones - The Other Rugby Player
So this one's also a Welsh Rugby man.  There's not a lot of info on him, not that I would have read it anyway.  He sure does seem concerned about whatever is happening in that picture.  I hope that it all turned out okay.

The Arts 

Adam Jones - The Bassist
We seem to have reached the end of the line for sports related Adam Joneses.  This one is a bassist for a musical group called Tool.  It is my most sincere hope that one day someone will read this and not know who or what that is.  If that is you, bless you.  You are so lucky.  I'm not even including a direct link to the music, in hopes that you can continue your blissful ignorance. 

Adam Jones - The Photographer
I think this is a picture of the guy.  He seems very stylish.  He specializes in wedding and portrait photography.  His website is nice and I like his stuff.


Adam Jones - The Other Photographer 
He's a landscape and nature photographer from Kentucky.  I don't know, I'm not even paying attention anymore.  If you're still reading, good job.  It's about to get better.

The Sciences

Adam Jones - The Geneticist
We Adam Joneses are a very intelligent people.  Few exemplify that fact more than myself and these other Doctors.  This one is a professor at Texas A&M University in the Biology department.  He once wrote something called Environmental, demographic, and genetic mating system variation among five geographically distinct dusky pipefish (Syngnathus floridae) populations.  Damn, son.  That's some hotness.  In other news: Dusky Pipefish would be a great band name.

Adam Jones - The Genocidist
I have taken to calling this man a Genocidist.  If you want to know anything about Genocide, this is your man.  The guy eats, sleeps, and breathes genocide.  He has taught, lectured, and written 15 books about it.  True story.  He has even put together a website where he shares his picks of Twelve Great Songs About Genocide.

The Enemy 

Adam Jones - The Enemy
Just one surprise category.  This guy.  This effing guy.  He does photography, graphic design, computer engineering, and is working on computer-human interfacing virtual reality.  That all seems to be pretty bad-ass, so why do I hate this guy?

This is the jerk-face that actually has and he's not actually doing anything with it.

It could be for genocide.

For shame.

So, as you can tell, we Adam Joneses are a varied and talented people.  Me?  I show up on the 23rd page of a Google search and far too many people accidentally find this place when they're looking for porn.

This is not that kind of site, people.

Not until I start losing too many followers, then perhaps I'll renegotiate.

But not before.

Please don't leave me.


Kitch22 said...

Adam Pac-Man Jones played for the Cowboys recently so I had a weekly dose of his 4 year old little girl "no I'M the pretty princess" hissy fits

Also, he is probably the only Adam Jones on that list with a felony, which has to count for something.

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