Writers Write

The lady down below is Tessa Violet (MeekaKitty) and is one of the most populars on the YouTubes. I have no recollection of learning about her, she just sat, ignored, on by subscription bar for years. I recently decided to cull my subs and went through some of her videos to see if I wanted to keep her around. 

I found this video where she talks about being young and getting older. She talks about how great it is that she is regularly maturing and gaining perspective.

I could not help but consider that in the decade I have lived that she has not, I stopped being excited about the person I was becoming, and started making peace with the person I became. 

Writers have this half joke/half mournful plea for help that goes "writers don't choose to write, they have to." One time I asked a poet, "When did you first self-identify as a poet?" and he replied "When I couldn't stop writing poetry."As a final example of this philosophy, let me share with you a poem that writers love sharing:

air and light and time and space

"–you know, I’ve either had a family, a job,

something has always been in the

way

but now

I’ve sold my house, I’ve found this

place, a large studio, you should see the space and

the light.

for the first time in my life I’m going to have

a place and the time to

create."

no baby, if you’re going to create

you’re going to create whether you work

16 hours a day in a coal mine

or

you’re going to create in a small room with 3 children

while you’re on

welfare,

you’re going to create with part of your mind and your body blown

away,

you’re going to create blind

crippled

demented,

you’re going to create with a cat crawling up your

back while

the whole city trembles in earthquake, bombardment,

flood and fire.

baby, air and light and time and space

have nothing to do with it

and don’t create anything

except maybe a longer life to find

new excuses

for.

© Charles Bukowski, Black Sparrow Press

I read things like that and I look at my place in life and in my darker moments I think "well, I guess I'm not a writer after all. All these years have gone by... I'm old enough now that I should be balls deep in my chosen profession... and poetry doesn't force its way out of my hand... I've had air and light and time and space... I've also had 16 hour days, been through earthquakes, floods, fires, had a cat crawling up my back, and have been demented... and I didn't create.

Writers shout at each other in no uncertain terms that writers write. Always. And, because deep down I'm very stupid, I just now figured out why that is. Writers are a cowardly and superstitious lot. Busy days, bad moods, shiny objects, or a little too much gas can keep a writer from working if they're not careful. We have to tell each other these fairy tails in order to guilt ourselves into turning off Netflix for one goddam minute and get something done. I suspect that if we didn't feel the need to write all of the time, we wouldn't write any of the time.

So, instead of resigning myself to withering away as a stagnant, non-creative husk, why not get over myself, remember that you're never too old to grow into a better person, and fucking do something.

Also, because I'm totally into quotes right now, I'll leave you with my favorite quote from a sword:

The enemy is one -- You are one. What is there to fear? Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat, and you will age. Hesitate, and you will die.  - Zangetsu (斬月)