Sunday, January 16, 2011

Most Outrageous Fantasy

I was once at a drunken party and everyone started talking about sex.  It happened more often than not.  It was the not so subtle overture to see who was ready to drop this pretense of friendly socialization and go get it on like the wild sex monkeys we know each other to be.  Not being, at my core, a wild sex monkey, I was always a little awkward at these parties.

Eventually the question started going around the room "What is your most outrageous fantasy?"  I considered this with great care.  When the question finally got to me, I was compelled to answer truthfully.  It is as follows:

I'm on top of an Aztec temple at dusk.  I'd been sent there to guard a sacred treasure from being stolen by ninja.  They had managed to slip by a grab it, but I caught up with them on the roof and gotten it back.  Not willing to let it go at that, they send wave after wave of ninja to try to take it back.  They can't take me in a head-on fight, though, and I'm able to repel them.  My Kung-Fu is strong.  One by one, their bodies go flying into the surrounding jungle.  I hear something in the distance, there's a helicopter approaching.  It hovers above the temple and drops a rope ladder.  She descends.

Brief Back-Story: In High School there was a girl, let's call her Alice.  She was brilliant, sweet, slight, and beautiful.  I had a bit of a crush on her.  Fact is, I knew that it could never work between us, even a little.  We were far too different in far to many ways.  Mostly she was meek.  So very meek.  I went wild with what-ifs.  What if she wasn't so meek?  What if she was, in fact, a bad-ass?  That's when I came up with the idea of Bad Alice.

Bad Alice wears black jeans, black combat boots, and a skin tight red shirt with 3/4 sleeves.  There's a slash across the front of the shirt for style and cleavage-showing.  Over that she wears a black leather biker jacket.  She has blue eyes and black hair with a purple streak coming from her left temple.  On her left shoulder blade there's a tattoo of a male biker-demon.  On her right shoulder-blade there's a tattoo of a female angel, bound and gagged.  On the small of her back there are the words: 2 Timothy 3:1-5*.  She's not evil, just bad.

It's not unlike on Angel when Fred was transformed into Illyria.  Only I thought of it first.
Adorable meek scientist Winnifred.
Bad-ass ancient goddess Illyria.

So Bad Alice slides down the rope ladder and we square off.  After some witty banter the real fight begins. Just as many hits land as are blocked, but we're tough, we can take it.  At some point she trips me, pins me down, and begins insulting me. I manage to flip her over, grab her hair, and repeatedly slam her head on the stone floor. I kiss her when she is no longer dazed, getting her even more riled up. As we continue to fight, we inadvertently rip each other's clothes off. In the end we're getting it on as the sun sets on the Aztec temple, surrounded by dead ninja.

*But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.


Erin said...

Are the ninjas male or female? I just think if they've been through an awesome fight, they might have ripped clothes too, and the glistening dead bodies surrounding you could be female as well,m perhaps with just slips of skin showing through their ripped garments, glistening with blood...

Amanda said...

That is indeed an outrageous fantasy, Adam.
One question: Why are there ninja in Central America?

Adam Jones said...

Erin - You're very good at this.

Amanda - The ninja are in Central America because that is where their target is. They are an internationally active ninja clan. They stand to make quite a lot of money if they are able to recover the artifact.

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