Friday, April 6, 2012

F is for Facebook Can Eat a D!€%

I've had a love/hate relationship going on with the Facebooks for quite some time now, but it's recently taken a vicious, personal turn.

Like an old person, I long for the days of personal contact. If you have something to say to me, why not just call? Because it's just not efficient anymore, that's why. I'd be on the phone all day. It's a quick and easy way to keep all your ducks in one row, I get that.

The problem starts when people rely on Facebook as a tasteful and reliable way to disseminate information. Don't be surprised that I didn't know that you were pregnant just because you put it on your wall. Maybe 15 of my other 500 "friends" posted something before I got on and I'm too lazy to scroll down.

So now I have to be on all the time or I miss everything that’s going on. It’s become a social convention that if I try to buck, I’ll just get left behind. Except that I’ve already been left behind.

I’ve been learning how to behave around people my whole life and honestly, I learn slower than most. I know you’re not supposed to talk about a woman’s facial hair, shout “scrotum!” in a public place, or type in all caps. These things have been drilled into me since I was a small child. I’ve had time to get used to these rules and follow them somewhat instinctively. However, as technology grows, they keep adding new rules and I keep missing a few here and there.

I know a dozen tips and tricks to not getting stabbed on the subway, but I don’t know to be super careful when browsing through the profile pics of a girl you just met. Your buddy might bump your arm and make you accidentally press “like” on a 10 month old picture of her and her mom. Nothing says “I’m not a weirdo” like “Hey, you and your mom are super-hot. I approve.”

Any of you wanna share a story about how technology helped you humiliate yourself?


Mary said...

I do have an embarrassing internet story. But I'm not sure if it's too embarrassing to discuss. Let's just say it involved multiple chat windows and me posting something to a public chat area that I thought was a private window. O_o

Francene Stanley said...

Naw. None of that stuff happens to me. I sail through life without a hitch, reading other people's funny comments from the backwater. Your dissitation captured my wholehearted attention. Beautifully written and interesting.

Adam Jones said...

Mary - Oh, the multiple chat window debacle. My most sincere sympathies. We have all been there... except for Francene, apparently.

Francene - If you have any tips to a smooth sailing life, let me know. Thank you for your kind words.

Unknown said...

I agree! Although technology has brought so many together, it has moved people apart as well...and too much personal information! Why do my friends post every detail about their kids? What are they thinking?

Thanks for sharing!

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