Monday, April 11, 2011

I is for Inappropriate

Maybe it’s a form if sadism.  Maybe it’s my desire to mildly buck the status quo.  Maybe it’s the fact that I can’t quite fit in, so I relish the odd as a form of self-affirmation.  For whatever reason, I love the inappropriate.

Some examples:

Hugs that go on just a little too long.
Handshakes that go on just a little too long.  With no shaking.  And direct eye contact.
Sex jokes in the nunnery.
Nun jokes in the sexery.
Purposefully using words in a slightly oblique fashion.
Leg humping.
Dead baby jokes.
Live baby jokes… why aren’t there any?
            “A man finds a live baby in a trashcan.  He immediately calls Child Services.”
                        Okay, maybe it needs work.
Fleshlights. (I’m not even going to link it.)
Having to explain that the Childlike Empress isn’t actually a child, and is in fact quite ancient, and the actress was eight years older than me, so it’s not weird at all to have a crush on her.
Also Wednesday Addams.  Christina Ricci is my age.
            Should I have just said Christina Ricci?  Oh well.  Too late now.
Pretending a strawberry is a tongue, then making out with it.
Not putting water in condensed soup, then drinking it out of the can.

Just a brief list of some of the finer things in life of which most people deprive themselves.  I won’t say guilty pleasures, ‘cause I just don’t feel guilty about my nude Gilmore Girls parties.  One day I might even get a guest.

What things do you like that most people think are a little off?


Karen M. Peterson said...

Inappropriate is funny. And so are you!

Miss Kagashi said...

In protest of having to take a "basic" writing course I wrote persuasive essays about legalizing opium and teaching female masturbation skills in high schools.... the latter is COMPLETELY natural and I don't think it's discussed nearly enough.

Nate Wilson said...

Your sense of humor.
Cucumber with ketchup.
Slankets (the word, not the product).
A tiny bottle of bug repellent. (Get it? A little Off? Yeah, I should have just said "horrible puns.")

Adam Jones said...

Karen - Thank you!

Miss Kagashi - I agree entirely, and it's nice to finally get some support in this. I don't spend nearly enough time talking about masturbating high school girls. In fact, there are hours that go by where it never even comes up at all.

Nate - Thank you. That was a beautiful pun, and my day was better for it.

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