I didn’t want a Grand Adventure. Those things are expensive and exhausting. I wanted a nice quiet road trip. We were going to pick up a nice girl named Brittani along the way. Well, she seemed nice, I didn’t really know her.
The beginnings were ominous. There was heavy rain and the foul stench of imminent circumstance in the air. We packed as best we could, took a deep breath, and begun our journey. The rain eased up and by the time we reached the edge of the city it had stopped completely. It was a pleasing sign.
We were going slowly in the slow lane, just to be safe. The roads are still slick for a while after that kind of rain. I had to move over one lane to the left, though. Directly up ahead was a cop car with his lights on. It seems that there was already a wreck up ahead and they had just cleared the cars off to the side.
It was at that point a speeding van approached in the slow lane and decided at the last minute that he didn’t want to rear-end the cop, so he darted left… into my lane… where I still was.
So once again I found myself in a car that was spinning in circles around the interstate.
My car came to a stop only several feet from the people standing around from the previous accident. Everyone was okay, though. The right-back quarter of my car was pretty much shattered. Funny enough, it drove just fine.
We went to the nearest Wal-Mart and bought some duct tape, blue to match my car, and taped the bumper back on to keep it from catching wind as we drove. Then we promptly manned-up and continued our journey.
|My poor baby.|
We picked up Brittani and left my wheel well at her house. We needed the room. This is when I find out that Brittani, who I had only seen being quiet and sweet, was a foul-mouthed harpy of a woman. So I spent the rest of the trip crammed between Godzilla and Baba Yaga.
We managed to make it all the way to Toledo before I got a flat tire.
Luckily there was a tire place two miles from where we were. Baba was nice enough to find it for me and call them up while I was putting the donut on. Since we were stopped anyway, I thought that this would be the ideal time to visit Last Chance Waffle House. It is the last Waffle House on the way to Michigan. I’d been wanting to go there, and it was just like I imagined: Like any other Waffle House. That’s okay, though. That’s exactly what I wanted. It was the most delicious coffee I’d had in months.
The way back was much better.
Except that Baba Yaga needed to stop at a 7-Eleven to fulfill some sort of sentimental ritual, and then we stopped at a diner... which didn’t have anything I ordered. So we were an hour late before we even started.
Kaiju-Senpai insisted on buying a book on CD for the ride home, so we stopped by a truck stop and took a look. They looked through the fairly large selection and both independently picked the same book. Apparently they were fascinated with The Rape Fairy. They needed to hear about magical raping ways. I really, really wish I were kidding.
|I'll never understand women.|
Instead we got a story that began “Prince Rupert rode his Unicorn through the Darkwood.” I nearly died from ironic joy.
Somewhere along the line we had dubbed ourselves the Three Amigos of Disaster, so when it became dinner time, we couldn’t pass up this place.
|It seemed thematically appropriate.|
|And the harpies were sated.|
Then we made it home safe. The End.
P.S. - If you’d like to hear about what actually happened at the World Steam Expo, tune in Monday. You’ll be glad you did.